New year , New you – why it never lasts

After stillness, before action,  comes intention 

The new year is often a time of new resolutions – many millions of people each year start the new year with some intention to change,  but ask these people 3 months later how that has gone and the majority will tell you that they gave up or it didn’t work.

Why is it then that despite the intention to change there is rarely any action?

1.Forming new habits take time and depend on consistent, conscious effort.

Our bodies and brains are hard-wired for habits and familiarity. Automating habits, thoughts, and patterns of behaviour allows our brain to focus on other things.

For example;

When first learning to drive often it involves huge mental effort to deal with hazards on the road, other cars, road signs, getting the foot exactly right on the clutch and gas pedal, steering in the middle of the road etc etc – once this has been learned it becomes automated this means that we can now go about our days driving talking to people or listening to music – our brain has made it automatic this so that our brain is free to do other things. The way the brain does this is by creating a habit loop – we have a cue which stimulates a craving which in turn leads to our behaviour and reward in the brain.

If you want to change a habit then you need to change the automatic or subconscious  behaviour this means getting into the hard-wired part of the brain and changing it.

This takes a considerable amount of effort and time.

STEP ONE Notice what we are doing in the first place – you see most of the time we don’t even know that we are doing something until we are half-way down the track of doing it (ever got distracted and found yourself driving to work on your day off anyone??!!).

STEP TWO Have something ready to replace it with. So for example if your new years resolution is to stop drinking alcohol (a very common one) then what are you going to do to replace that habit? It is easier to change the behaviour in a established behaviour loop then it is to create a whole new one.

So the trick to changing our habits is to find something to replace them with – perhaps another flavoursome drink in its place for example. When you start to feel you’d like your usual beverage you go to your substitute instead.

Now the mind doesn’t like change – so there is going to be some resistance or feeling of uneasiness – but if you continue with your new habit eventually it will become your norm.

That takes us to the second reason why resolutions are often not kept...

2.They really will only work if we are committed to change.

It can be useful to ask the following questions:

• How much time and effort have you put into your new years resolution?

• Are you committed to change or do you feel like there is no point?

• Why do you want to change in the first place?

  
  

The great thing is that we CAN change.

Many times we carry things with us that no longer align with the life and the person we want to be. Having a new years resolution can be a great starting place towards carving out a life that reflects our values and needs.

The important thing is to ask WHY

• Why do we want to change, why do we no longer want to do something?

• Why is it important for us to do this new thing?

So if you have a resolution you would like to keep why not take some time to sit and reflect on the Why’s.

Grab a pen and paper (or your journal) and explore the answers to the following questions:

-            What’s underlying this resolution ?

Why is it you want to make this change – how is doing or not doing this behaviour affecting you now? For example. I get foggy brain when I drink alcohol. I want to have less alcohol so that I can enjoy my evenings

-            What will you get from it?

What do you stand to gain from the change? What are the benefits, can you list them?

-            Why aren’t you doing it already?

What is stopping you from doing this new thing, is it fear of something, what do you believe about it? Do you believe its achievable? Have you tried before and if so why didn’t it work? Do you have the right steps in place?

-            Is it important to YOU?

How important is this on a scale of 1-10? Is this a resolution that someone else has suggested or tells you you need to do or does it come from you. Do you REALLY want to do it?

3.We very rarely write it down and even less plan actionable steps towards our goals.

Turning our resolution into a SMART goal can really help motivate us and gives us the structure we need to move towards change.

Specific (i.e I will only drink alcohol on a weekend)

Measurable (i.e I can measure this easily as I will know if I have had a bottle of beer in the week)

Achievable (i.e I believe I can, not having alcohol at all might be too tricky so I will allow myself 2 days at the weekend)

Relevant (i.e It is relevant or important to me as I want to make this change so that I can wake up feeling well and I can enjoy my evenings)

Time (i.e I will make a conscious effort to do this for the next month)

Once you have done this you can problem-solve any and all steps you need to get to where you want to be. In yoga and mindfulness there is a concept of ‘planting a seed’ – this means that we plant the intention of what we want to achieve and then we tend to it daily (by doing our actionable steps), this is how it will bloom.

It is important to remember that where we are now is also OK.

Whilst it can be super helpful to have a resolution and make planned goals it can also be a bit daunting or overwhelming for some. Change takes time and we don’t have to beat ourselves up or superficially push ourselves to be a certain way. Change is the only constant, all things are changing all the time so it is also important to allow ourselves to be just as we are and to honour ourselves in this moment.

Sometimes just setting an intention to be open to something new leads us on a softer path to change and this can be enough.

YOU are enough as you are right now.